Dr. Scroose Bridges

Lamont's uncle was illiterate. He did have a wonderful talent for storytelling and would often spin tales for his family and friends. The following story was transcribed by his brother Jasper who reportedly tried to sell it to a publisher of children's literature and cash in on it. He never reached the publisher's office and in fact was reported missing from that day forth. To this day, his whereabouts are unknown.

Buffy Meets The McGuffy

The things about attics that Buffy liked best
Were surprises that waited in boxes like guests
To be found, just by chance, by explorers like Buffy
Who, on this May day, came across the McGuffy

Now Buffy loved toys and her parents old knick-knacks
She loved finding old dolls and duckies that quick-quack
But one thing about which she just did not care
Were those piles of old dusty books that lay there

But on this gray May day, as she poked and she snooped
A book cover flipped open and her eyes Betty-Booped
There stood a small creature with a long nose that drooped
A small wrinkled fellow up there had been cooped

"Say there, little one," said the creature, so scruffy
"You look like you have never seen a McGuffy.
I live in all books, in all letters and signs
In magazines, newspapers, in prose and in rhyme"

And having said that, the McGuffy just vanished
Leaving Buffy alone with books that have been banished
But now she felt changed and she found herself reading
She hungered for words; it was time for her feeding

She space-shipped to Venus and sailed on the sea
She met Huck and Snoopy without watching T.V.
Right there in her attic, turning pages with glee
Buffy read from nine-thirty 'til quarter to three

She read about rats, about bats, about gnats
And the very strange tale of the Cat in the Spats
Which was never as popular as the one in the Hat
But, pay it no mind, this is this, that was that

Then from the stairs came a voice loud and gruffy
Her brother, yelling "Come down - that attic's too stuffy"
(The name of her brother was, you guessed it, Duffy)
So finally she gave in and left in a huffy

At dinner that night Buffy's speech was dramatic
All about the McGuffy she'd met in the attic
But her mom and her dad and her brother seemed bored
Their T.V. set roared but their books simply snored

The family's response was very unkind
But they didn't faze Buffy, who felt they were blind
She would meet her McGuffy in each book she'd find
And the words in each book would tickle her mind

So you say that's all fine and good for young Buffy
And it's only a story, so enough is enoughy
But if you've just read this, well, I'll call your bluffy
'Cause believe it or not, you've just met your McGuffy

- Dr. Scroose Bridges

Follow-up poem to "Buffy Meets the McGuffy"